


Suspension

by Harukami



Series: Gravity [3]
Category: DRAMAtical Murder, DRAMAtical Murder (Visual Novel), DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-03 22:53:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2891057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harukami/pseuds/Harukami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clear, Ren, and Aoba would like a chance to peacefully explore their new relationship -- but Aoba learns that he's got a brother somewhere out there, and of course, he has to try to find him, even if doing so will shake up their lives completely...</p><p>A standalone sequel to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/2568200">Flight</a> (Story 1) and <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/2688347">Grounding</a> (Story 2).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Suspension

It isn't perfect, but it works.

It's more or less become Clear's mantra in life. His ability to pass for a real person, from the start: It isn't perfect, but it works. His desire to fight at the cost of his own life: It isn't perfect, but it works. His hearing, when his body was first fixed. The decision to swap his 'self' into an Alpha body. His humanity at all, his entire concept of personhood.

And now, his relationship: It isn't perfect, but it works.

He doesn't tell either of them that. They wouldn't understand. Not maliciously; they'd just both, well, take it personally. It's understandable, too, that they'd take it personally. There was a time he would have said his relationship was perfect and that's changed now. 

But it's not a bad thing, he thinks, imperfection. If they had truly had a perfect relationship, would there have been any real possibility for change? If Aoba and he were ideal together, would Ren have been able to fit in? Since Ren and Aoba and he can only get together when Ren uses Rhyme mode, wouldn't it be strange to call it perfection? Even by itself: the idea of this relationship, between a human and a machine, and then adding in a machine with a real human soul, a soul that was fractured off the first soul? 

Knowing it's imperfect helps him understand it. Knowing it works even more so.

So he doesn't doubt it. More like, he refuses to doubt it. He knows it's imperfect, but everything in his life has been (barring his feelings for Aoba, of course, those are pure and untouchable and something he would never lose confidence in no matter how little he has confidence in his abilities), and they keep going forward anyway. Perhaps that's really the essence of humanity.

But he thinks it would be nice if they have a good long time, a few years, perhaps, before anything changed again. A way to let them really get used to it, get past any doubts or fears they might have.

***

They don't get that opportunity. They're about three weeks into the new relationship, and managing it, Clear thinks, quite admirably. Sometimes things are just him and Aoba still, in the real world, with Ren in his sleep mode -- they've talked about if he should continue to do so, now he knows what he is, but he's an old model and it's important for maintenance. Sometimes Aoba and Ren are off in that strange connection of minds in Rhyme, and sometimes it's the three of them in there, and other times they go on dates together, as they always have, Clear and Aoba together, and Ren carried obligingly in his cute little bag.

But Tae knocks on their door, and tells Aoba to come downstairs.

"Just me?" he asks.

"... All of you, then," Tae says, sighing, and leaves before they can ask.

They share uncertain looks. Tae hadn't sounded pleased, and whatever she's up to, it's something that's going to be some kind of family meeting, or she'd have brought it up in the doorway. 

Aoba picks up Ren, Clear fusses with his own hair, and they go down to the others.

Sure enough, something's up. Tae is seated at the kitchen table; Haruka and Nine are leaning against one wall, Haruka wrapped in Nine's arms. The tension rolling off Aoba is truly tangible, and Clear rubs his arm, tries not to be hurt when Aoba pulls away and goes to sit down. He knows that Aoba is probably too nervous to want to pay attention to comfort.

Clear reminds himself that he has a right to be here too ( _I'm a man of the Seragaki household!_ ) and takes a seat as well. Ren settles into Aoba's arms, patient and concerned.

"Mom, you'd better be the one to explain," Haruka says, "since we only just found out from you."

Tae's expression grows even more sour. "Yes," she says, with a sigh in her breath. "Aoba ...Ren," that a little grudgingly, not like the kind Tae-san after all, though she too only recently learned that Ren used to be a part of Aoba. "There's something I've been keeping from you."

Aoba's back stiffens a little. "Something else?" he asks, understandably dubious. It's been revelation after revelation for him in the last few years.

"Unfortunately. I probably should have told you a long time ago but I ...was worried," Tae admits. "I was worried about the impact it would have on you." 

"What impact? I mean, what is it?"

Tae knots her fingers together on the table. Clear notices that they are trembling, and worries, briefly, about her age, her health, before acknowledging that it might simply be just nerves. "Aoba, before this, I want to explain why I didn't tell you in the first place."

"...Granny, you're really starting to freak me out," Aoba says, his voice a bit raw. His mouth must be dry, Clear thinks, and gets up, pours him a glass of water, sits back down. Neither Tae nor Aoba seem to notice, but Nine gives him a smile. Clear smiles back, awkwardly.

"No, you're right," Tae says, and lowers her head a little, eyes closed. She draws an audibly heavy breath. "Aoba, you have, or had, a brother. His name was Sei."

"...Granny?" Aoba says, after a long silence, in his total confusion.

"I know I should have told you that a long time ago," she says, still not looking up. "It's a sort of betrayal that I haven't. I'm... aware. But I was very afraid that I'd lose you, Aoba."

Aoba's shaking his head, unsure and alarmed. Clear reaches out and takes his hand; Aoba grips it tightly. Ren, looking between the both of them, puts a small paw over their joined hands. "No, wait, Granny, go back. What do you mean I -- have a brother?"

She draws a slow breath in, and lets it out, very obviously centering herself, glances up at Nine. Nine nods, and she sighs again, looks at Aoba properly this time. "Aoba, you were created by Toue."

"...Eh?"

Aoba's confusion echoes the quaking in Clear's heart. He can't understand it. He was created by Toue, of course, so he knows absolutely that people _can_ be, but Aoba's a human being. If Toue could create human beings, why would he make robots like himself-?

In Aoba's arms, Ren shakes himself. "Nine," he says. "Earlier, when you commented that I was made 'from scratch', are you saying that you weren't referring to my Allmate body?"

"I wasn't," Nine agrees.

"It took years of research," Tae says, quiet. "I had thought my research was going to something better than creating living children to be weapons. You and your brother were created in test tubes, Aoba, to have the powers you have. He has it as well; the two of you were actually developed as a single unit, attached through the nerves in your hair." 

Aoba's silent now, listening; the hand that Clear and Ren isn't holding rises to the tips of his hair, touches it lightly. His hair has always had feeling, Clear recalls, which of course isn't normal for any human being, just as the color isn't. The sensation has faded, too, since Oval Tower, for no reason they could determine.

Tae continues. "When you were fully grown and ready to be 'born', and you were taken out, neither of you started breathing. Your hearts didn't start beating. You both seemed stillborn. I theorized that you might be locked into some kind of internal system of equilibrium; to disrupt that, your hair was severed. Your brother began to breathe and cry like any baby might but you didn't." She sighs again, tired. "...It was too much for me. My work had never been meant for this, and not only had it been made to give life to human weapons, but resulted in the death of a child. I quit, and I took you away to be buried. But when you'd been taken some distance away from your brother, you, too, came back to life. I didn't want Toue to find you again. I thought, no, I'm out. This child can have a normal life. So I hid you in the orphanage, and thought that was that, until your parents came home with you."

The thought comes to Clear, and he finds he can't swallow it: "That's just like me."

Everyone turns to look at him, and he feels his cheeks color with the attention; he hadn't _meant_ to distract them. But: "Well, Toue-san had me made, but I was broken. So I was taken to be disposed of, but my Grandfather quit and took me away from that and raised me as his grandson. It's the same, isn't it?"

Aoba seems to relax at that, letting out a soft breath, almost a laugh, and he squeezes Clear's hand. "...You're right," he says. "It's not just me."

"Life's a strange thing," Haruka says.

Nine nods, cuddling her closer. "Repetition and patterns. Like, there's some weird unearthly significance to things sometimes. Makes you want to believe in a greater power sometimes, huh?"

Tae scoffs. "It's a human ability to look for patterns where there aren't any," she says. "It's a known phenomenon. Coincidence is coincidence; and who knows, maybe your grandfather heard that I'd left with the dead kid and got inspired." 

"Then, what I just did was a human ability? Finding a pattern?" Clear asks, unable to stop the sudden spike of excitement.

"You think like a human does, don't you?" Tae says.

Aoba's been quiet through Clear's outburst, but squeezes his hand again, and Clear falls silent; this is really Aoba's moment, of course, not his. "Let's run with the similarity," Aoba says. "So, the reason you never told me about my brother is that you thought he might be like Clear's brothers? Made by Toue, and shaped into some horrible weapon."

She hesitates, then nods. "Well... that's part of it," she says. "I know he isn't healthy. Toue needed Sei's weaponized skill, but it was destroying Sei's health. He tried to hire me back to help him. But it ... would have drawn attention to you. And I didn't want to contribute to Toue using a weapon to attack these people. Even if he's a human being, I cut my losses. I could save you. Going back for him had been impossible. If I extended his life, I'd only extend the amount of time Toue could commit harm with him."

It's a terrible way to think of a human being, but Clear can understand it. He's had to understand it, after seeing how the Alphas treated Aoba. The idea of trying to save them, reprogram them, was absurd. And perhaps humans aren't exactly programmed, but being raised to certain beliefs are rather similar, he thinks.

Aoba lets out a rough breath, a painful smile on his lips. "Granny..."

"I should have told you," she says. "I'm sorry, Aoba. There's no excuse."

"I...understand," he says. "You're always... first and foremost, you're always my Granny. I know you want to take care of me, you know? And... I know it must have been hard on you."

Tae blinks a few times mistily, then scoffs again. "I don't need reassurance at a time like this...!"

"Do you know what he looked like?" Aoba asks after a few moments of deliberation, pressing his face to the top of Ren's head. Ren makes a soft whine and licks his cheek.

"Not ... any more," Tae says, cautiously. "He likely didn't look like you. You had very different coloration when you were born than you do now, and I suspect you ...absorbed your colors somehow. You used to have white hair, white skin..."

"Well," Nine says. "The sea and the sky were both very blue when we found you."

Aoba gives a slightly bitter smile. "Oval Tower was pretty colorless," he says. "Everything was kind of muted. Even the fake sky was always a dark night. I bet his colors would be pretty monochrome."

"...Aoba..." Tae says. "What are you thinking...?"

"Someone brought Oval Tower down," Aoba says. "It was reported as a bombing, but the security there was really strong. If Clear and I weren't invited, I don't know how we would have got in --but someone invited us. And despite the bombing, there were no casualties reported. Someone made sure that everyone would get out of the tower, or at least, have a chance to get out as it started to come down. I know that means Toue probably escaped, but he lost his life's work, and ..." Aoba bites his lower lip. "You know, I had too much on my mind to think it anything except 'that's weird', but... Clear, do you remember, on the monitors...?"

He does, of course. He, too, had a lot on his mind at the time. He was dying, after all, or as close to dying as it's possible to come. He'd felt like he was dying, at any rate. But he remembers, even though, like Aoba, it had been impossible for him to focus on at the time. He rubs his thumb over Aoba's hand, reassuring. "...Yes, when the Tower began to explode, every screen in Platinum Jail began broadcasting the face of a young man with black hair."

"...Would you say he was around my age?"

"He seemed to be, Aoba-san," Clear says, a little unsteadily. "I was not playing the closest of attention, but he did seem to be your age."

"Aoba," Ren says. "You don't think--?"

Aoba swallows, that wavering smile still lingering on his lips. "Granny, there's nothing to forgive," he says. "I understand why you did what you did, but... you're wrong. He wasn't someone who couldn't be reached. Because he was the one, in the end, who destroyed Toue's ambitions. My brother did. I'm sure of it."

***

The family meeting goes on a little longer than that -- largely attempts to comfort Tae, Aoba, and Ren, though they all deny needing it, with Clear sitting there and feeling a little awkward until he forces himself to stop thinking of his own peripheral nature and start reassuring them as well. When it breaks up, the three of them head upstairs, and it's Clear who encourages them to set up a Rhyme field. Ren protests a little -- they're all tired, he points out -- but Clear reminds them that nothing beats a proper face to face interaction where they can all really, truly touch and hold each other (even if the only way to really truly do so is by not really truly doing so, but, perhaps, that's overly complicating things. Ren can be touched when offline, but only in online mode does he have arms, and the ability to hold others as well as be held).

He draws them both to him immediately when Ren has set up the field, feels Aoba crumple a little and Ren draw in a sharp, unsteady breath.

He kisses Ren first. He knows the situation's hard on Aoba, but Aoba has his own strange and intense willpower about this. Ren's the one who surely feels illegitimate here. This 'Sei' is his brother too, but in a weird discordant way, because Ren was Aoba when Aoba and Sei were born, but Ren is no longer Aoba. Ren gulps against him, then kisses back with a sudden shaky air. As soon as that kiss ends, Clear turns and kisses Aoba, who clings to him, presses close with a grateful eagerness.

When he's honest with himself, Clear thinks that he himself might be the one who really doesn't feel legitimate at all. Ren and Aoba have discovered this tragedy about their brother. But Clear is just along for the ride. He's Aoba's lover, and maybe Ren's too now, and this isn't about him. He tries not to think about how crushing that feeling is; it's natural that they have some things just about them, and that he's separate from it. That's how it has to be. He buries it in just wanting to make them feel better, in holding Ren's cock as he sucks Aoba's, holding Aoba's as he sucks Ren's, gazing up the hard lengths of their body to watch them kissing each other, breath sloppy and loud. He swallows them both rapidly in turns, works them over as close to together as he can, wants to make them feel happy, feel like one, and after, shaky, they drag him up and touch him and he guiltily closes his eyes, lets them indulge him, fingers knuckles-deep in his ass, hands stroking over his cock, loses himself to how good they feel, thinks: it's fine so long as the three of them want each other like this, so long as they reach out to each other like this, so long as they give each other what they can.

He comes crying out, clinging to them, and opens his eyes to their tired but relieved faces. It stabs him in the heart as well, just a little, to think that they're worried about him too. He'll do better, he thinks. He needs to be supporting them right now, not the other way around.

The three of them stay together in silence for a while, touching, holding each other.

"I want to find him," Aoba says after a while, turning his face to press into Ren's neck. "I don't know if I can. But Granny's right, you know? I can't know about him and not want to find him." He lets out a slow breath.

Clear tries to bring his attention back, properly, to the real situation they have in front of them. "Even if he is with Toue-san?" he asks, uncertain. Taking on Toue was a painful enough experience the first time, and although his key lock is already broken, he's still not sure of his chances. But on the other hand, "No, of course. It's your brother, after all."

"I think the situation is likely to be complicated if he is with Toue," Ren says. He kisses the side of Aoba's head, then turns and huffs Clear, sounding a bit tired. "If, as you say, it was your brother Sei who took down Toue's ambitions, it's hard to say what kind of captivity he would be in. And Toue himself has vanished without a trace" 

Clear notices the 'your' there, but swallows down the urge to interrupt to correct and reassure Ren. There's time they have to take for this, and that's something Ren needs to wrestle with. Either way, he shouldn't interrupt this.

Aoba shakes his head. "It doesn't matter. Whether he's with Toue or not, we have to do what we can to find him."

So that's that.

***

Aoba uses the resources he has available to him, contacting friends and pulling out an information network. Beni-shigure gets on it immediately, with Koujaku's assurances that he'll let them know if or when anything comes up. He talks to Mizuki as well, gets Dry Juice moving.

"What about those fans of yours?" Ren asks eventually. "Neither Koujaku nor Mizuki have an in with the yakuza, but..."

Clear doesn't know who he's talking about, but Aoba blinks. "Virus and Trip, huh..." he muses. "It's been a while. I've barely even spoken to them the last year."

"Well," Clear volunteers, though he's still not entirely sure of the subject exactly. "They may have some idea, if they are yakuza? As I recall, you and I had an encounter with the yakuza, Aoba-san, in Platinum Jail, so there may be some connections."

Aoba waves a hand. "I doubt they're the same organization," he says. "There's no way that any yakuza in Toue's pay would be friends with me all those years and never tip him off to my existence, right? But... there's a possibility they might dig something up. I'm pretty sure they've been busy all this time pulling things together in the power void after Oval Tower came down, so... they're most likely to hear about it."

Ren nods, tongue hanging out. "It's worth an attempt, at any rate."

Virus doesn't answer the first time Aoba calls him, which seems to surprise Aoba. Clear leans over and whispers to Ren: "Is this Virus-san usually not busy?"

"It's not that," Ren murmurs back. "Rather, Virus and Trip are both exceedingly taken with Aoba. So they're likely to pick up whenever, regardless of how busy they are."

Virus's voicemail doesn't seem to be active either, so Aoba just shrugs, and he and Clear play cards for a while with Ren watching, and he tries again an hour later.

This time, the call picks up right away, a pleasant but unremarkable tenor voice answering. "Aoba-san, is it? It's nice to hear from you."

"Hey, Virus," Aoba says, and immediately takes on the guilty air of someone who realizes he's been missed but is actually only calling for a favor. Ren puts a paw on his leg. "Sorry, is now a good time?"

"It's always a good time to talk to Aoba-san," Virus says, cheerily. A deeper voice cuts in in the background: "Ya-ho, Aoba-san."

Whoever that is must be leaning very close. Aoba lets out a slightly pained laugh. "Trip too, hi. How've you guys been?"

"Oh, you know how busy it's been. It seems there's always something we have to keep busy with," Virus says. "And yourself?"

"Oh, uh, good," Aoba says. "I mean, I went traveling for a bit. I'm back now," he adds lamely, as if it weren't obvious.

"Did you have a good time?"

"Pretty good, yeah. Found my parents. Hey, um, speaking of family..."

Rather than any prompting noise, there's silence on the other side. Aoba clears his throat, stops waiting for input, and carries on: "Speaking of family, I found something weird out."

"Why, whatever could that be, Aoba-san?"

"It's --" he makes a face. "I had a brother. Apparently Toue had custody of him or something? I was wondering if you'd heard anything about him."

"A brother, huh." This one's the deeper voice. There's another significant pause, before Virus says, "Well, do you have any details?"

"Oh, uh, right." Aoba rubs the back of his neck. "He should be my age. His name's Sei, and he probably has black hair."

Another brief pause. Then: "Sei-san, is it," Virus says, musing.

"Wow, how weird. A brother you didn't know about," Trip says, in a weirdly drawled-out way. "That's wild."

"Yeah, it--" Aoba begins to agree.

"Well, we'll keep an eye out," Virus says. "I'll call you if we learn anything, Aoba-san. Perhaps we can get together for dinner regardless?"

Clear is starting to get a weirdly possessive feeling. If they go to dinner, he certainly thinks he'd have to fight the urge to accompany them and cling to Aoba's arm.

"Yeah, sounds good," Aoba says. "You guys always know the best places. Okay, I'll talk to you soon, then."

"Goodbye, Aoba-san." "Bye-bye."

Aoba hangs up his coil and lets out a sigh. "Well," he says. "I don't know what else we can do to cover our bases."

"We may simply need to wait until we hear back from anyone," Ren says. He shifts over, flops into Aoba's lap. "If there's no news, he may simply no longer be on the island."

"Our chances are low if that's the case," Aoba mutters. "Toue's disappeared without a trace. All kinds of people have been looking for him or his body and there's been no news from other countries." He pets Ren, with an obvious nervous gesture.

Clear lets out a slow breath, and then wraps his arms around Aoba, tugging them both toward him. "Let's not worry about that for now," he says. "Right now, we're doing what we can, so let's just hope it turns something up."

***

The two of them are a bit of a mess during the downtime between having people look and the time when they can stop expecting to hear anything back. The really strange thing, Clear finds, is that they both deny being so and seem to be doing their best to pretend that they are.

"It's silly to expect anything back too early," Aoba explains earnestly to Ren, as the pot starts to boil over on the stove behind him. "I mean, if it were simple we'd probably have found something out immediately."

"Or even before we were introduced to the concept of a brother," Ren agrees. "The news would have reported someone at the site, if he were found there, and if they'd shown pictures, you and Clear would have recognized him."

"Aoba-san, the stove, the stove--" Clear yelps, and attempts to salvage the soup.

He does what he can, though, to make it easier on them. He reduces his shifts with Mizuki in order to do more of the household chores, take things away from Aoba when he can, so Aoba can go out and talk to people, Ren accompanying him. There's more laundry now, too, with two more people staying with them, and more food to prepare, and although both Haruka and Nine help out, they tend to go out for entire days, sometimes not coming back for a few. Aoba says, distractedly, that he thinks that's normal. But it makes meal-planning difficult.

Tae notices, at least, and thanks him for it, and he feels embarrassed that she thought he'd need to be thanked. He's a man of the Seragaki household, after all. It's only right he at least does this much.

He tries to distract them at night, too, or when they have the time. Sometimes it's sex, one or both of them, but sometimes he just pulls them close to his chest and hums to them. He doesn't get tired, not like humans get tired, but he feels strained in a way that he suspects may be similar to some kind of tiredness. Those quiet times when he's just holding them, just singing softly and watching them grow quiet in return, those feel like a refuge from the strain of whatever it is that is making him feel so strained.

***

A few weeks later, Haruka and Nine leave. "It won't be long this time, Aoba," Haruka says, holding him tight. "We're just going to pop over to the mainland for a few weeks."

"I'm sorry," Nine says. "I know now's not a good time."

But they can never stay in one place for long. That's what they've said, isn't it? Still, Clear finds he almost wants to chide them, holding Ren tightly in his arms to keep himself from acting at all. Of course Aoba will be upset! They left him with a terrible fear of losing family, so is now really the time to leave? While he's afraid he won't be able to find the rest of his family?

Aoba lets out a hitching sound, lets go of his mother after a few long moments, and pulls his father into his arms instead. "Of course," he says. "I know... I know you have to. But you'll come back?"

"We'll come back. I promise."

Haruka holds out her arms for Ren; Clear awkwardly passes him over.

"We left you for too long already," Haruka says.

Nine grins at him. "I'll bring you back something nice, for you and Ren. An extra something too, of course, if you find your brother."

"A-ah, yeah," Aoba says, with a strained smile. "If we do."

Ren is passed over to Haruka, and he says, "Nine."

"Yes, Ren?" Nine says, with his arms cradling him like he's an infant. "Something I can do?"

"Please call," Ren says. "We...will miss you. I will as well."

"But less if we call! I almost forgot we can do that now," Haruka says, and holds out her arms to Clear.

Clenching and relaxing his hands at his sides, he almost feels resentful. But then he feels guilty over that, and, relieved at feeling guilty instead of angry, he, somehow, is the one who bursts into tears.

They turn to look as he gathers Haruka into his arms while crying, and he's embarrassed, perhaps, but he feels what he feels. He can't help that. He says, "Haruka-san, Nine-san, you're so so important, you're a family, you know, so please..."

"What is this, Clear," Nine says gently, passing Ren off to Aoba and coming over to embrace him. "Crying over parting?"

"Parting is hard!" Clear wails. "For Aoba-san, for Ren-san, and for myself as well!"

Aoba makes a hitching sound. He's not crying, and would probably be embarrassed to do so; Ren wasn't built to be able to cry, either. But he joins the hug, with Ren still in his arms, and says, "Oh Clear. It's okay. They'll come back."

He says it like he's convincing himself so he can convince Clear, and Clear catches onto his sleeve in the middle of the hug. "I know," he says, around his hiccuping cries. "But I thought about how sad everyone will be!"

"Oh, Clear," Haruka says. "It is sad. I know. I was sad for a long time..."

"But," Nine says, and he's talking to Aoba now instead of Clear, "we won't be apart for long. There's nothing to keep us apart. And hey, if we take too long, I fully expect you to track us down and give us a talking to for making Clear cry!"

Aoba cracks a smile at that, and Clear almost cries harder at the sight; it's like some tension has drained from him, genuinely, like he's found some kind of relief in this, somehow.

"Yeah," Aoba says. "I would."

***

At one point, when Aoba is out at work and Clear is cleaning their room -- Ren helping as best he can, paws up on the mattress as he tries to pull the blankets up -- Ren confides in Clear,

"To be honest, I'm not entirely sure I can afford to be too invested in this."

Clear lets Ren continue with the bed, because he knows Ren probably feels helpless enough as is, and folds Aoba's laundry. "Why's that, Ren-san?"

"I'm not sure how to feel about the possibility," Ren says. He stamps on the sheet with his back paws to pin it down and pushes them forward with his front paws; Clear feels a sensation not unlike fluttering in his chest, even though he knows he has no organs to do so. It's the heart, though, he reminds himself, the heart; it works in mysterious ways. It doesn't need to exist to exist. Ren continues, however: "I don't think of Aoba as my brother. I do strongly suspect other people are doing so for ease of reference. After all, I was part of Aoba when Nine and Haruka adopted him, so I was adopted as well, so I am their son -- but being their son doesn't make Aoba my brother. That kind of view hinges on me being part of Aoba, and I'm... not. I tried that. You remember," he adds, and glances back over his flank at Clear, fluffy tail flicking. "I can't be 'Ren' and also be 'Aoba'. I can be 'Aoba's Restraint' or I can be 'Ren', and I... I would rather be Ren. I would rather have a relationship with Aoba than be related to Aoba, or to be part of Aoba."

It sounds like a guilty admission and Clear pats down the jacket he's folded, picks Ren off the bed, puts him on top of it. Ren settles down and Clear -- careful not to get too fervent about it -- runs fingers through his fur. "That's fine, isn't it? You can be excited over the possibility of meeting someone you should have known, without being too clear on their precise relationship with you."

Ren makes an uneasy noise, the sound tinny through his speakers. "And if he thinks of _me_ as his brother?"

"Well, without knowing what sort of person he is, it's difficult to say whether or not that's likely, isn't it?" Clear muses. "However, if he was raised by Toue-san, he likely won't think of himself as sharing a same father with Aoba-san. Of course, he's Aoba-san's brother, but that will already be approached from the perspective of having not known him... much as Aoba-san is. Hmm, hmm. No, I cannot say, but, Ren-san..."

"Yes, Clear?"

"A person who is married to someone," Clear says. "What is their official titling, in regards to that person's sibling?"

"Brother-in-law, I suppose," Ren allows.

"So, a brother is both a person who is related, and also the person in love with the person who is related, correct?" Clear ventures it uncertainly. He's been thinking this for a while, since he became a man of the Seragaki household. Since Haruka and Nine, too, welcomed him as their son's lover. 

Ren makes another uneasy noise. "Marriage is impossible regardless."

"Yet, if you were to approximate it, legally, Aoba-san would have to adopt you," Clear counters. "That's the usual way, yes?"

"...Yes, for two men or two women," Ren allows. "It's true that if one adult adopted another, everyone would recognize it as the equivalent to a marriage."

Clear nods. "So, it seems terms like 'brother' are complicated," he says. "Don't mind, Ren."

"Thank you. I'll try not to."

***

In the end, of all the sources they have out looking, it's Virus and Trip who find Sei. Virus calls back and talks quietly while Aoba sits staring at his coil in wide-eyed shock:

"Oh, yes, it seems that shortly after the incident, this Sei-san was found by some mysterious benefactors. I couldn't find their names, although I dug for you, Aoba-san, since I was sure you'd want to thank them. Pity. But they took him to a hospital and he has been there since, recovering."

"He's alive?" Aoba manages, finally.

"Alive, yes, but not awake."

Clear can see the horror wash across Aoba's face. Ren puts a paw on his knee. But Aoba pushes on. "Is it ... a coma? Or worse?"

"No worse," Virus confirms. "The doctors say that physically, and according to all the scans they've done, he should be capable of waking up. But he isn't doing so."

"Isn't he..."

Virus makes a sad tsk-tsk with his tongue. Clear thinks for a moment that he hears laughter in the background, but then, they're out on a public street from the sounds of things; it shouldn't be a surprise to hear something so incongruous to the subject matter. "If I may venture a theory, Aoba-san?"

"...Go ahead."

"If he was an experimental subject his whole life, and finally found the relief of unconsciousness, he might not wish to wake up. It's a little anathema to me -- I can't imagine being that way myself, you understand -- but perhaps the idea of not really having to exist is a relief to him."

Aoba swallows; his mouth sounds dry. But Clear doesn't dare move to go get him water, doesn't dare break this tableau with anything so mundane. "Do you really think so?"

"It's entirely possible. I can give you the address, Aoba-san, but if you go, you may be faced with only terrible options. After all, if it's like that, either he stays asleep, never to wake up and grant your wish of meeting your brother, or he wakes up and you're forced to meet a brother who wishes to die. It may be better to leave Schrodinger's box unopened, you know."

"Thanks," Aoba says, with a little more firmness in his voice. "I appreciate the warning. But I _would_ like the address."

***

Of course, they go. Aoba carries Ren in his usual bag, and Clear holds his hand. It's a kind of solidarity in the three of them, Clear thinks.

("What will you do?" Clear asked, when Aoba hung up his Coil. "With the situation that Virus-san explained."

"...I have this ability," Aoba said. "Maybe Toue made me with it so he could use me as a weapon, like he did my brother. But ... if I could use it to save him, wouldn't that be the most fitting revenge either of us could have against him?"

"If you fail, you both could be lost," Ren said. It was a caution, not disagreement. Clear understood the impulse. On the one hand, of course, losing Aoba-san would be the worst. He couldn't even put in words how he knew that would feel. He was terrified of the idea. But an Aoba-san who wouldn't try wasn't an Aoba-san either of them were familiar with.

"I know," Aoba had said.)

The nurse leaves them alone in the hospital room with Aoba's unconscious brother. The resemblance is absolutely obvious now that Clear is looking for it, he thinks, as the three of them gaze down on his peacefully sleeping face. His face is shaped similarly, his body shaped similarly. They aren't identical by any means even in those areas, but he can see it in the line of his nose, the curve of his lips, the weight of those closed eyes. Clear has watched Aoba sleep hundreds of times, a thousand times, of course. Long black hair, paling to gray past the shoulders, white further down, lies limply against the pillow, the sheets.

"Sei," Aoba says, and puts a hand to his cheek, getting no response. Slowly, carefully, he puts Ren's bag down on the bed, lets go of Clear's hand. 

"Are you going to do it?" Ren asks, softly.

"I will," Aoba says, and smiles a small, tense smile.

Of course, his ability is only supposed to work well on someone Aoba knows well. Tae had said as much long ago, before any of this began, before Aoba had ever used his abilities deliberately, before Clear even knew himself to really be a 'person'. But Aoba and Aoba's Desire are working in harmony now, Clear reminds himself, and Aoba's Desire is the part of Aoba that controls the Scrap ability. And, as Tae had described them, Sei and Aoba were originally designed to be one unit too, joined together, with two minds. So perhaps it will be all right, Clear reassures himself, gripping his fingers together tightly, his hands knitted together. Perhaps they will recognize each other even if they weren't ever permitted to know each other.

All he and Ren can do is watch over Aoba, he thinks, as Aoba bends over his brother, gently nudges fragile eyelids off dark eyes, and murmurs, softly, "Sei, Brother -- I'll go inside you."

That's what he thinks, but as darkness crashes around him he realizes he was terribly wrong.

The world he picks himself up in starts terribly dark. Next to him, he feels Ren shake himself, get up on his two human legs, and he knows Aoba must be nearby, gropes for him in the blackness--

Which begins to light up. Points of light appear, sending electric sparks around, long lines shooting around, defining the space they're in. As they form, they begin to create a net with hexagonal cell shapes; Clear knows that if they're using Scrap, they must (somehow, all of them) be in Sei's mind, but it looks not unlike a Rhyme Field, a base Rhyme Field that hasn't had location imagery overlaid into the space. 

As the lines form, as it defines the area, it makes a cage of a sort; there's no entrance, no exit, no sense of the field extending off into whatever images can be created but like being on the inside of a ball. The electrical lines grow brighter -- unnervingly silent; that amount of electricity feels like it should cause sound but does not -- until they can see each other, until Clear can see Rhyme-form Ren to the right of him, until he can see Aoba crouched warily a few feet away.

They grow brighter still, enough that Clear recognizes, abruptly, a dark spot on one 'wall' where the lines are distorted. It's in the shape of a human being, tied to the wall with sparks of light around his throat, his wrists, his ankles...

"Brother?" Aoba says aloud.

The light explodes and the space they're in changes. Instead of blackness defined by points of light, everything is a hideous, stark glowing white, with the lines filling the area a crackling black. The figure is black too, so rather than seeming bound by the lines holding it to the wall, they seem to be emerging from him, like he were some sort of fat spider in the middle of a web.

"Aoba," Ren says. "Be careful."

"It's fine, Ren," Aoba says, and approaches the form. Clear seizes Ren's hand, for lack of knowing what else to do. What's possible? He could sing, but what good would that do? They shouldn't even be here. Scrap is between Aoba and the person he's Scrapping. Did Sei pull them into this along with Aoba? Did Sei turn this Scrap into something else, mixing his powers with Aoba's...?

"Brother," Aoba says, softly, and reaches to touch the black mass. "I came for you. I'm sorry I'm so late."

His hands touch the human shape and sink in. It's like ink or tar, swallowing him wetly as he presses forward. Ren takes a few steps after Aoba, and Clear goes with him. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know what to do.

Aoba enters the figure, moving slowly, stickily, and suddenly, there's nothingness.

No stark whiteness, no black web. Clear's mind still reads the color around them as 'white', but only because he doesn't have a word for the color it is, he thinks. White is an identifier, but it's not correct. It's like calling him a human, or calling Ren a true individual, or calling Aoba Ren's brother. 

In front of them is a human figure, again. This time, he seems to have definition to him. He's all white and black, swirled patterns on him, wearing some strange draped costume. His white hair blends into his white skin, falls and blends into the nothingness there.

"Aoba," Sei says, and smiles at him.

Aoba lets out a sob, runs forward. "Brother," he says, and he catches Sei into a hug.

Sei doesn't seem to have been expecting that; the smile cracks into something --awful. Not angry, not aggressive, but Clear has trouble finding the word for it. Lost. Despairing. "Ah--"

"I'm so sorry I took so long," Aoba whispers. "I didn't know."

"You weren't meant to," Sei says. "If you came to me in the tower, that's one thing. Now, you shouldn't have come at all."

"But I came. I want to take you home, Brother."

"I don't want to go home," Sei whispers, closing his eyes, leaning his white cheek against Aoba's shoulder. "I want you to destroy me."

There it is. Virus's prediction. Clear feels himself get almost light-headed with the shock of the moment. Ren is moving forward, so Clear moves with him, letting feet find purchase on nothingness. Don't do this to Aoba, he wants to beg, but his voice won't come.

"I thought you might want that," Aoba says. His voice is shaking. "But. Brother. You haven't lived yet, so how can you know you don't want to?"

"I've lived," Sei says. "Just because you wouldn't recognize it as living doesn't mean that it's not life. It's just a life you couldn't understand. But... you're the only one who can help me find peace."

"I don't think Aoba wants peace any more," Ren says, quietly.

Sei's gaze shifts to Ren, to Clear. Clear feels a shock travel through his system, like an electrical current, like Sei has just combed through his code and the network powering him, has assessed everything inside himself when those dark eyes met his. "Oh," Sei says. "It's you two... the other Aoba, and the prototype with his own will..."

"My name's Clear," Clear manages. 

"You're in a different body."

"Yes," Clear says. "I... the other one gave out on me a few times. I was very attached to it, but..." He swallows. "Since I had overloaded this unit, it was available, and... it was better to live with Aoba than to die as entirely myself."

"Is that so..." Sei says, softly. "I knew him, you know. That unit."

"I'm sorry."

Sei makes a little weird smile. "No... don't be. We weren't close. They couldn't care about anyone, and I couldn't either..."

"They didn't have a chance to," Clear retorts. "And perhaps we ensured that, but there was no other way to deal with the situation."

"No other way..."

"There is another way with you," Aoba says. 

Sei shakes his head slowly, his head dragging against Aoba's shoulder. "The other you too, does he think that? He left his body for an Allmate, didn't he..."

"I'm Ren," Ren says. "I'm not Aoba any longer."

"You separated fully... unlike the third part?"

"That's right," Aoba says, and there's a faintly forceful drawl in his voice that Clear recognizes as the other Aoba. "I'm Aoba. Ren's Ren. That's how it is."

"If you can't live how you are, then change," Ren says. "...But not living isn't an option. I don't think so."

Sei pulls away from Aoba. His sleeves trail, his hair trails, as if Aoba is sticky somehow, as if some part of him is being pulled to him. "No," Sei says. "I don't think you understand. That's a good thing. It's lucky that you lived as you did. I don't resent it. That the three of you could live as you are. That Aoba and Ren would be taken away at birth. That Clear would be taken away and not become a toy like the others, or simply garbage. That Ren and Clear and Aoba would rather learn to live in different ways than they originally wanted than give up on life. I'm happy about that, Aoba," he says, and he fixes his gaze fully on Aoba again, smiling softly. "I don't want you to think there's any resentment in me. If my living the other way meant you could live this way, that's good. I'm glad. I'm relieved. But you didn't come destroy me in the tower, and you didn't leave me at peace in the darkness. I don't want to be exposed to the light. So, please, destroy me, or leave me here as you will."

"I won't," Aoba says.

"But it's one or the other," Sei says, gently. "That's your choice. Because you can't pull me out. Even with two halves of you working together, you can't force that on someone. 'Force' is my ability. 'Exposure' is yours, Aoba. You show people your self to convince them. I show people myself to overwrite them. And that's no way to live."

"So you can make a choice not to," Aoba says. "You can find another way to live."

Ren says, "Leaving Aoba was the hardest choice of my existence. I was born only for him. I was a part of him. I existed only in the network of his mind. I remember how that felt. Seeing Aoba's Desire as I do now, I remember that feeling."

Aoba's eyes flicker gold, and he glances away from Sei to watch Ren. 

"I remember it," Ren tells Desire. "I understand why you want to be one with Aoba. But Aoba could no longer hear me. I never...wanted to be an Allmate. To be a machine that lived based on other people's tune-ups, to shut off my feelings, to simply be an accessory rather than a part of something. But if to do so I could be heard, if to do so, I could protect Aoba, it was worth it. I left, and I saw Aoba from the outside for the first time."

"That must have been hard," Sei says.

"It was hard," Ren says. "It's still hard. I'm Aoba's lover now -- and Clear's too," he allots, and Clear feels a faint thrill at being acknowledged in the middle of all this. "But I'm still a machine. I'm not a creature. I'm limited by what this body will allow me. Eventually, I'll break down--"

"Ren," Aoba says, both Aobas together, voice suddenly hoarse. It's not something they ever talk about, how obsolete Ren is. How, if even Clear has broken down multiple times, at the height of technology much more advanced than Ren's, it's only a matter of time. It's a terrifying thought.

"I will. But that's life too. It's not indefinite," Ren says. "I wish I were a human being, as I know Clear wishes it too. I wish that I, like Clear, could have arms to hold Aoba in the real world, not simply an equivalent in a created world. But I will take what I have. Because even if it was hard to leave, it's something I've claimed for my own. Having seen him from the outside, I want to keep that. I'm 'Ren'. I want to be Ren. Perhaps you have never been Sei. Do you want to be?"

"No," Sei says. "I don't want anything."

"But--" Clear bursts in, helpless to hold himself back. "That's not possible!"

"Isn't it?" Sei asks, wide-eyed, apparently genuinely surprised to be told that.

"It's impossible, because you're a person," Clear says. "Because you have a heart, because you're a human being, because -- even if you weren't human, you're an individual. You're not a tool!"

Sei shakes his head. "A tool is a thing created to be useful."

"Then I am a tool, and Aoba-san is a tool, and Ren-san is a tool, because we were all created to be useful!" Clear says, voice strangled. "But we aren't, are we? If we were, we couldn't talk to you about this! What you were created for is over. Your purpose is over."

"So I have nothing," Sei agrees. "And I wish to be destroyed and put to rest."

"But if your purpose is over you can live!" Clear cries out. "You can find what makes you happy in the moment! Not what held you back before, and not the fear of a future -- I'm afraid of the future, you know! Of course I am. Because Ren-san, as he said, is temporary, because I have been put into a much better body than my previous one and could intstead be indefinite, because Aoba-san is temporary, too, but a longer temporary than Ren-san! Because everything ends, but it doesn't have to be yet! We can push that moment, we can become whatever we want, we can find that moment to be -- to become--" he runs out of words and wants to cry. "Sei-san, if you think of what you want to be as 'gone, in the future' and what you were in the past as 'present, despite your desire', can't you pick something different 'now'? And what exists 'now' is -- is Sei-san. We're talking to you. You seem wonderful!"

"Do I...?"

"You do! You seem sad, and hurt, but you seem wonderful, and I want to see you smile!" Clear says.

Aoba's own lips wobble into an unsteady smile. "They'll be there with you, Brother," he says. "I'll be there with you. You won't be doing it alone. But... I won't destroy you. If anything, I'll destroy this." He gestures at the nothingness. "But you have to allow me. That's how this works. You know that."

"No," Sei says. "I can't... I don't know what's on the other side of this, Aoba."

"Then you don't know you won't like it," Aoba says.

"My body is a trap," Sei says. "I don't want to see the other side of this if I have to stay in that trap any more. Destroy me so I don't have to, Aoba. That's my wish. Do you understand?"

"I understand your wish," Aoba says. "But my wish is to be with you. Do _you_ understand?" And then, more desperately, "Isn't there any way?"

Sei is silent for a long few moments, not smiling any more. His gaze searches Aoba's face, and then past him, searching Clear, searching Ren.

"I understand," he says, finally. "You do what you want. And I'll do what I want. And maybe if we focus on what we have 'now', we can work out something for both of us." His gaze snaps back to Aoba's face. "So... please destroy the nothingness, then. And let me do what I want. Don't hold me back."

Aoba lets out a breath. "...All right," he says. "I'll trust you, Brother."

Sei smiles again. "Thank you, Aoba." 

Slowly, Aoba closes his eyes. The nothingness around them begins to crack, hairline blue fractures forming some definition of space again, cracking. Sei, in front of them, seems to dissolve. But a force runs through Clear, that electric pulse again; he hears, in his mind, _I'm sorry, take care of them_ , and thinks, in a panic:

What is he doing?

And then the force rushes out through his hand, into Ren, and the nothingness shatters.

Clear picks himself up from where he's collapsed against the bed. He still has his hand on Ren's fur, and shudders. He feels less like he's coming out of sleep mode and more like he's done a full system reboot, and thinks, maybe, he should have Tae do a check up on him when they get back, just to be sure.

Aoba wakes next, sitting up and groaning, clutching his head. "Did it work -- Sei--?"

Sei, on the bed, hasn't opened his eyes. Ren hasn't woken either.

"Aoba-san, Ren is..."

Aoba's head jerks around and he draws a sharp breath in. "Ren's what?" He comes over quickly, seeming to no longer mind his headache, and leans over Ren, putting a hand to his forehead to force Ren out of sleep mode. "Ren?"

Ren's eyes open with the usual start-up sound. "Aoba," he says, but -- that's not Ren's voice, Clear thinks. It's lighter, a tenor.

"...Brother?" Aoba says, and his eyes slowly widen. "But then, where's--"

Sei's body stirs, and his eyes slowly open. They're not the black Clear remembers, but a soft gold. He stares around like he's dazed. 

Aoba turns away from Ren -- Sei's -- the Allmate body. His breath makes an audible hitching noise in his throat. "Is -- are--"

"Aoba," Ren says, through Sei's body.

***

They think Ren will be permitted to leave the hospital a week later. It's a miracle, the nurses say. They didn't think he'd ever wake up. "Your brother, you say?" they ask.

"Yes," Aoba says.

Even so, he's cautioned that he has to come in for rehab regularly once he's released. He can't walk at first, or coordinate his arms very well; when he goes home, he'll need to be brought in a wheelchair. But it's largely just lack of use of his body, the doctor tells them. He's perfectly healthy otherwise. Once he's gone through enough physical therapy, he should be fine. It's just that he's been unconscious for so long.

Aoba cries the first night that they go home with Ren in the hospital. It's not disappointment, he tells Clear. He's just overwhelmed.

"I understand," Clear says. "There's so many possibilities, aren't they? And things are different."

"Different isn't bad," Aoba says. "We -- we said it ourselves. That we all changed how we wanted to live, and found something different."

Sei mostly watches things. He sleeps a lot, curled up in Aoba's room, or walks around carefully in his new body. Wherever he goes, he keeps his eyes open and observes things with a strangely detached caution. But he and Aoba talk a lot too. Clear tries not to eavesdrop, because it's private. And he's sure it's important. Even though Ren's body was precious to Aoba as it was, his brother isn't any less precious. They have so much to catch up on.

When Ren is released, the hospital had mostly spent the week getting the very basics down. He can walk a couple of steps, and can move his arms on his own, although he can't carry anything at all, heavy or not. Aoba cheers up as soon as he sees Ren getting bundled up to head out. Clear sees their eyes meet, and then both of them grin at each other, weird, helpless, huge grins, and Clear's chest seems to loosen.

This is a blessing, isn't it? he thinks. A strange blessing, perhaps, but a blessing.

"Should I apologize?" Sei asks him, as they watch Aoba help Ren into a seat in the car that Haga-san drove out to meet them. He looks up at Clear from the bag Clear's carrying, and it strikes Clear that Sei's asking completely genuinely. He sounds uncertain, and a little bit guilty.

"No, I don't think so," Clear says. "You can if you want to."

"I think maybe I should."

"If you want to, you definitely should," Clear agrees.

When they get Ren home, Clear passes the bag with Sei in it over to Aoba to carry, and he helps Ren out of the car, scoops Ren up into his arms. Ren looks up at him with much the same expression he had when Clear carried him like this as a smaller puppy, and Clear laughs, which makes Ren laugh too, his eyes bright.

Tae fusses over them, makes sure Ren eats, which he does with shaky hands but a look of absolute delight on his face. Although he could eat as an Allmate, his taste receptors were probably more limited than Clear's are, he thinks, and certainly hospital foods did him no favor. They walk around the living room for a few steps, as much as he can manage, with Clear on one side and Aoba on the other and Sei following behind them, gazing up at them.

After, Clear picks Ren up again and carries him up to Aoba's bed. Tae had offered to make the spare room up -- spare, at least, so long as Aoba's parents were out of town -- but they'd refused. It would be far too crowded, and they don't want to let Ren go. 

He helps Ren into bed, and has started to pull away, but Ren tugs at his sleeve, so Clear flops down next to him. 

"Aoba too," Ren says.

Clear picks it up, almost as a chant. "Aoba-san too, Aoba-san too, Aoba-san too-!"

"All right, all right," Aoba says, laughing. "Here you go, Brother." He takes Sei out of the bag, puts him on the bed, and then flops down on the other side of Ren. At the foot of the bed, Sei is bounced from the force of Aoba landing.

It takes Ren a bit of effort, but he bends his elbows, folds his arms, and pulls both Clear and Aoba against his sides. "I'm holding you," he says aloud, and starts to cry. The tears seem to alarm him, and he cries harder, his face horrified. "...Aoba, I can't stop it, I'm sorry; it's just coming out--"

Aoba laughs, helpless, leaning over Ren to rub at his tears with his fingers. Clear squirms, finding somehow both the laughter and the tears infectious, laughing with his eyes streaming.

"I'm sorry," Sei says, from the foot of the bed, and the timing is so awkward and so earnest that Clear just starts laughing harder.

It's not perfect. There's nothing about this situation that could be described as perfect.

But, he thinks, they're going to make it work.


End file.
